Howard, The Universe, and Everything

Burning down the gingerbread house

2006-06-28T08:52:00.000-04:00

Dear Howard,

It's been a really long time since I've written you. I'd like to say it's because I've been busy. I'd like to say it's because I've been uninspired. The truth is I'm just plain lazy. But this time around I got something that you may find shocking. Hang onto yer hat.

So I've been reading this book called Freakonomics. It has a pretty controversial author. His name is Steven Levitt. One of the most controversial things Levitt did was publish a paper discussing the correlation between a decline in the crime rate in the early 90s and abortion. A lot of people dismissed it as stupid or outrageous or whatever, but he has the numbers and other case studies of legalized abortion and the correlation with dropping crime rates. I think it's important to note that he doesn't say that abortion should be used as a crime deterrent or even go so far as to say that the crime rate drop is a great thing considering what he believes the source to be. I think all he is saying...as any good scientist is saying...is that this is the data. Do with them what you will.

That last sentence might seem like funny grammar Howie. But the book indirectly pointed out to me that data is a plural word and should be treated as one.

So that is the part of my thought process that anyone can get their hands on. In fact I would recommend Freakonomics to anyone. It's fascinating.

However, there was something that happened that not a lot of people could get their hands on. See...a buddy of mine who is a dedicated Republican and fast becoming a national columnist for the right wing and I were having a discussion. Ya see Howard, I think of myself as a leftist, and I think it important to have friends who are right wing. The reason being that I need to keep myself in check and I need to bounce ideas off of people. I do draw the line. I try to avoid discussions with people who I consider to be irrational or overzealous. I.E. unwilling to listen to what I have to say or find common ground. Having been formerly...pretty irrational and unwilling to find common ground I can confidently state it does no good.

But this isn't the point.

My friend asked me what I thought of the death of Zarqawi. Did I think it was a good thing? Could the US have handled it differently? I think he was just probing for a general reaction. I thought about it for a second and told him that it didn't really matter what I thought about what should've been done. Zarqawi was dead. What could've been done differently no longer matters because what was done was done. I honestly would've preferred lifelong imprisonment as opposed to murder. He then began to argue that Zarqawi was going to keep killing thousands upon thousands of people and that one murder preventing thousands of murders was worthwhile. My argument was that in all probability, yes, Zarqawi would've kept killing people, but just as the past was totally written, the future is totally unwritten. Therefore, killing Zarqawi on the assumption that he was going to keep killing was an inference based on believing the worst in Zarqawi. Maybe he would have some minute thing happen to him one day and he would completely change his ways. It's happened before. Unlikely? Yes. Statistically improbable? Yes. Impossible? Never.

I've heard it said that synthesis is the joining of a thesis and another thesis. So here we synthesize.

The data provided in Levitt's paper makes the correlation between abortion and a dropping crime rate clear. He also discusses how the people receiving abortions were the ones who based on statistics (poverty level, single parenthood, lack of maternal education) likely to have children who would grow up to be criminals. This is why the crime rate dropped.

I was lying in bed thinking about it and it occurred to me that one could tie the two together.

Based on collected and recorded information we could determine the likelihood of whether or not someone would take a human life during the course of their own life.

Here is the big question I have....is that last sentence talking about aborting fetuses likely to become criminals or killing a leader of a known terrorist organization?

Only my hairdresser knows for sure Howard.

This is not an argument for or against abortion. This is not an argument for or against military action. This is a philosophical question. Both Levitt and my friend had stats that said in all probability someone was being eliminated who was likely to take life. The question I have for you Howard is does this make it right?

Based on the data I can tell you whether or not they are likely to kill somebody, and furthermore I think one can make an argument that one is more likely to kill than the other (which by the way I don't know who is more likely to kill...a single terrorist leader or a generation of American Criminals), but I wanna know if it's destroying evil with an act of evil is OK? Can you fight fire with fire? Do two wrongs make a right?

I'm asking because I don't know, but I have seen the movie Toys.

In the movie Toys the heroes of the story are faced with a barrage of toys who are programmed to kill them. Various toys with bombs, missiles, machine guns and so on all with motion detectors designed to destroy whatever moves. While running from them the heroes stumble upon a room full of the old stuffed animals and wind up toys that the toy company used to make before a bitter uncle with a military background took over the company. It is at this point Leslie Zevo (the main hero played by Robin Williams) says "We're gonna fight fire with marshmallows." The heroes use the toys to make the more destructive toys use up their ammo. They never reveal totally and completely whether or not this tactic worked because they have to make it more exciting and someone does something else I can't remember. I have to rent that one again.

But to me....it's an idea. Fight fire with marshmallows. We use violence as means to an end because it's worked in the past. We usually don't really try other methods because usually if we are using violence the situation has become dire and in need of immediate attention.

I think we can learn from Leslie Zevo, or better yet from someone like Mohandas K. Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Jr. Men who decided that they would rather try a method of being positive with their enemies and non-violent in the face of opposition in order to achieve their goals. I like that mindset.

We can expect defeats along this road (as we look at cases of people who decided that good vs. evil was better than evil acts against evil) and people who make violence their business by one means or another will tell us we don't have any other option, and possibly try to make us believe that there isn't any other way, but I just can't believe that. Maybe it's stupid Howard, but I'm not ready to give up on humanity that easily. I think that the good is out there, but we need to try to be good too. If I try to talk to you you're probably going to be a lot more suceptible to my suggestions than if I forced you at gunpoint.

Just something to think about Howie.
Write back soon
Paul

Stay tuned to your responsibility

2006-05-22T10:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Howard,
I saw you last night. I was there when the Flaming Lips did their encore, and you were too. They coverd Black Sabbath's classic song War Pigs, and displayed graphic images of Iraq, Rumsfeld, Bush, and Colin Powell. I saw you there Howie. It made me sad. I heard you cheering and yelling "Fuck George Bush." I saw you drunk and stoned and not caring. Worst of all I saw you leave.

I can't believe you left Howard.

What you saw was an ugly ugly ugly thing. People hurt. People killed. It's humanity at it's worst Howard. But I can't believe you turned away. It's what you did. It's what I did. I don't like looking at it either, but I have to take some responsibility. Sure I didn't push the button, but everytime I just wanna give up and feel like there is nothing I can do....that makes it easier for people who want war....and there are people who want war....to have their war.

Oh and make no mistake Howard. They want war. They're hungry for it. They live for it. They love it. They want nothing more than a chance to destroy that which opposes them. There is a danger though. Ideas are indestructible. That which is intangible can't be touched by that which is tangible. You can't blow up an idea. You just can't. You can fuel it though. I also find that negativity fuels more negativity, and I think war is the most negative thing that exists. What good can come of it?

Many would be mad at me for asking that question and point what good has come of war, but I'm mad at them for not being so critical of this action that is so devestating that it will be remembered for maybe even a century afterwards. People still remember the American Civil War, WWI, WWII, and Vietnam. Sometimes act like it just ended last week. But it didn't. That's how devestating war is Howard.

But don't you dare turn away. Stare it. Stare it right in the eyes. Love it or hate it. Support it or don't support it.....watch. Learn. Know. If you do anything less I think you might be a coward.

And don't get drunk or stoned in the face of it either Howard. It's important that you face it without a drop of apathy. Apathy is dangerous Howard. Apathy does far more damage than I think any of us will ever know.

write back soon,
Paul

Rudimentary knowledge gets rained out

2006-05-14T07:32:00.000-04:00

Dear Howard,

I had an experience I just had to tell you about. So I'm in Boston right now. I think this is some of the most miserable weather I've ever seen in my life, but whatever. That's not what concerns me Howard. I'll tell you what does.

When flying to Boston my flight got delayed (due to terrible awful weather), and I was stuck watching CNN on a giant airport TV. I tried not to. So help me Howie I tried like Hell, but it didn't work. It was this new show with this guy called Glen Back or something like that. He's like this friendly radio conservative and CNN decided to give him his own TV show. He sucks. Not because he's conservative though.

Parts of the show consisted of a conservative bad mouthing Bush hardcore (something I thought was blasphemy for them) and then he talked about how some guy go the shaft on American Idol. This guy didn't provide ANY useful information on politics. He told us he thought Iraq was OK, and the economy was OK (ummmmm.....OK) and that he thought Simon Cowell should run for President. I wish this was a joke, but it isn't. I think what really bugged me is when the guy who got kicked off American Idol was the one he predicted on a show a few months earlier he was gloating like a bad winner who just won a little league game. He was seriously bragging like some high school football hero. I think my favorite part was the fact that he had I WAS RIGHT! posted on the very bottom part of the screen (the lower third I believe it is called). I didn't watch the rest because my flight finally started boarding. I was relieved. I'm starting to see the backlash of Fox News existing. Not only is CNN attempting to state they are totally objective, but they're doing it with very subjective people. It's painful to watch.

I think Fox and CNN both suck Howie. Everyone wants us to believe they are objective but they aren't. I have an answer though. I have a news network that is TOTALLY objective....once I make it. It'll just be called news. Black screen with green letters stating line after line of facts. No voices. No people. Just lines of text on a screen like a computer from 1980. Or better yet.....just pictures. People decide what it is.

The thing is that even this is not going to be 100% objective. Someone has to write the text, and whatever they're writing about...they'll have an opinion on it. Even if it was just solid camera shots it wouldn't be objective because you have to decide where to put a camera, and if you set it up at point B instead of point A someone might have a totally different take on life.

What are we gonna do about this? I got one idea. I read a short story once where this guy told this other guy that he always had his newspapers delivered to his house a week late so that he couldn't get mad about whatever was going on in the World because it was too late. I think I'll try that, but I'm gonna get it a year and two months late. Unfortunately this means Bush's term will end on March 29, 2010 for one fella, but what the Hell ya know? Maybe if it keeps my blood pressure down it'll be worth it.

Sleep tight,
Paul

Like on Mork's home planet

2006-05-10T23:33:00.000-04:00

Dear Howard,
Sorry I haven't written in a while, but I....well, I don't really have a reason. I'd like to say I haven't been inspired, but I have been. I just felt like because I had to I didn't want to. Funny how life works motivation like that. The second you have to do something....even if it's something you love to do...when you have to do it...not so fun anymore.

Oh Howard. If only life were simple. If only the answers were given to us. If only girls came with instruction manuals. If only we had Beta instead of VHS. I just wish I were a little kid again where the rules of the playground were clearly defined, and there were teachers there to explain it all, and let me know when I did something bad.

I actually really dig the way 5 year olds roll Howie. I mean....ya gotta dig what they're laying down. Kids get in fights, but one time out and ten minutes later they're best buddies. Why? All is forgiven. Or forgotten. Either way they don't give a fuck. Any injury that is accidental, no matter how horrific, can be cured with a simple apology and a hug. Games are played. Races are had. Sand is dug in. And the World turns.

It's a great system. In fact I think the next time I'm asked to vote for a judge in an election I'm gonna write in 5 year olds on the ballot. I mean....they've got it figured out. You have to be nice to everyone. You have to apologize or take a time out when you do something bad. You have to promise not to do it again. Think about what wonders this would do if we let it stand up in court?

BAILIFF: All rise for the honorable Judge Bobby Smith
JUDGE: You guys can sit down now. In the case of McDonough v. Price the court finds in favor of the plaintiff. Defendant will have to say he's sorry, give him a hug, and kiss his boo boo to make it better. Upon exiting the court room the defendant has to promise to never do it again or else he might miss some of recess and get a letter sent home to his mommy. Case dismissed.

Oh it is a thing of beauty. I think other kinks in the system would work itself out. Things like monetary woes as a result of injury. Hospitals would just have to be nice and play doctor with their friends free of charge. Family stress? Mommies and daddies love their kids and that's all that matters. Work? If you can't go to work your friends will help you out. After all you're supposed to share. And so on down the line.

You can call it socialism if you want to Howard. Lord knows it's a very socialistic theory. But kids are kinda like computers Howard. They can only regurgitate what you put in there. Physically and philosophically. Kinda makes you scratch your head eh?

If kids are learning things like be nice, don't fight, share, forgive people from us....where did we go wrong? Why do we still fight? Why aren't we nice? Why don't we share? Why don't we forgive? It's not like the ideas got worse. We just did. We decided that things were more complex than they were when we were younger. I dunno Howie.....I'm not sold on that school of thought. It seems to me that things weren't more complex...we just complicated things so we could win a game that maybe we felt like we were losing. Aside from getting really horny, cigarettes, and drinking problems I'd say we're pretty much the same as we were then. Well, that and now some of us can rent carpet shampooers too. Let's not forget that part. We're still a bunch of little assholes to each other, and there seems to be no end in sight. We sure could use some of those playground guardians again.

Let me tell you something though Howard. And it's a secret. I shouldn't really be broadcasting this on this sainted gift from Al Gore. I've been a steward of the sandbox before Howard, and let me tell you. Those 5 year olds blindside me with stuff sometimes, and I just haven't a clue what I can do about it. Yes it's true. The swingset sentinels don't know it all. What do we do when we don't? We lie. We fake it. We act like we have the answers before the 5 year olds realize that we're clueless and incapable of leading them and that in the long run they outnumber us greatly and if they wanted to they could have a coup of the whole school, park, or gymboree with little or no bloodshed.

But I gotta tell ya Howard. I don't feel a lot smarter than some of those kids sometimes. Quite the contrary. We tell them to try and be nice, and they do try. We tell them to take turns and share, and they do try. We tell them not to fight, and I believe tears and owies are at an all time low right now. We've taught them to forgive mistakes, and even apologize when in the wrong, and they do it. It's just that simple.

That's why I'm not giving up on people like you Howard. I'm not giving up on me either. I think if there was a time when we knew how to behave....we could do it again. We just need the finesse of a 5 year old.

Write back soon,
Paul

Moving

2006-05-01T21:40:00.000-04:00

Dear Howard,
I'm moving in cyberspace. To me...it's just as realistic as moving through reality.

All my previous entries can be found at my old Livejournal account under the user name Bombsnotfood. I only wrote you a few letters under that name...so enjoy.

Write back soon Howard.
later
Paul